After decades of standing in the supermarket line, being forced to read the
covers of those cheesy women's magazines, I had to finally do something about
it. So last week, I sent this prank e-mail into the editors of Marie
Claire:

Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 11:33:22 -0700
(PDT)
Subject: Your recent issue
To: marieclaire@hearst.com

Dear
Marie Claire:

I was very disappointed by your recent issue. On the cover,
you advertised "SEX & MEN SURVEY: 6,000 Men Confess Everything You Always
Wanted To Know." However, you failed to reveal several important things that
I've always wanted to know:

- Why do so many men like it when you step on
their scrotums with high heels?
- What do you do if your slave can't say his
or her "safe word" because there's a spiked leather ball stuffed into his mouth?
- What is the best brand of double-dong dildo?

Unless you can
answer these questions, I am switching to Cosmopolitan.

Jane Hargrave

Shockingly, I never received a response.

The
consolation prize, however, is that while looking for the answer to my question on the Marie Claire website, I found their sex message board,
which is both hot and hilarious at the same time. For instance, check out this conversation about one reader who masturbates with a stuffed animal. Or this
one about a woman discovering that her boyfriend watches porn. Or my favorite, about a soccer mom's experience with anal sex.

From the looks of it, 6,000 men don't need to confess everything you always wanted to know. The readers of Marie Claire already know it all, the dirty sluts.