AFROMAN LYRICS



"Crazy Rap"


(Wait a minute, man. Hey, check this out, tell it. It was this

blind man, right?

Man, check this out- it was this blind man, right?

He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right?

Hey. He walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'?

He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said,

Woooooo, good morning, ladies.

You like that shit, man? Hey, man, I got a gang of that shit,

man.

I tell you what- my man on the guitar, fool on the drums,

everybody just crowd around the mic, I'll tell you all these

mutha-fuckin' jokes.

But first, I'ma start it off like this. Hey, help me sing it,

homeboy.)

Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.

We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.

And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them

dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from

here to Hong Kong.

So roll, roll, roll my joint. Pick out the seeds and stems.

Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton

rims.

So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville.

If my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my caddy will.



Well it was just sundown in a small white town. They call it

Eastside Palmdale.

When the Afroman walked through the white land, houses went up

for sale.

Well, I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap cds when I met a

little girl named Jan.

I let her ride in my Caddy cause I didn't know her daddy was

the leader of the Klu Klux Klan.

We fucked on the bed, fucked on the flo', fucked so long, I

grew a fuckin' afro.

Then I fucked to the left, fucked to the right. She sucked my

dick 'til the shit turned white.

I thought to myself, Sheba, Sheba! Got my ass lookin' like a

ZEBRA!

I pulled on my clothes and I was on my way, until her daddy

pulled up in a Chevrolet.

I ran. I jumped out the back window, but her daddy, he was

waitin' with a 2 x 4.

Oh, he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right. The

mutha-fucker whooped my ass all night.

But I ain't mad at her prejudiced dad, that's the best damn

pussy I ever had.

I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine. I'm a fuck that bitch

just one more time.



Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.

We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.

And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them

dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from

here to Hong Kong.

So roll, roll, roll my joint. Pick out the seeds and stems.

Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton

rims.

So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville.

If my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my caddy will.



I met this lady in Hollywood. She had green hair, but damn she

looked good.

I took her to my house, cause she was fine, but she whipped out

a dick that was bigger than mine.

I met this lady from Japan, never made love with an African.

I fucked her once, I fucked her twice. I ate that pussy like

shrimp fried rice.

Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya. I met a woman in the

heart of Australia.

Had a big butt and big titties, too, so I hopped in her ass

like a kangaroo.

See, I met this lady from Hawaii. Stuck it in her ass, and she

said, Aiiiiieeee!

Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch, then her titties busted

open with Hawaiian Punch.

Met Colonel Sander's wife in the state of Kentucky. She said,

I'll fry some chicken if you just fuck me.

I came in her mouth. It was a crisis. I gave her my secret

blend of herbs and spices.



Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.

We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.

And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them

dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from

here to Hong Kong.

Hey, wait a minute man, check this out.



I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee. Her titties were filled with

Hennesy.

That country music nearly drove me crazy, but I rode that ass

and said, Yes, Miss Daisy!

Met this lady in Oklahoma; put that pussy in a coma.

Met this lady in Michigan; I can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch

again.

Met a real black girl in South Carolina; fucked her 'til she

turned into a white albino.

Fucked this hooker in Iowa. I fucked her on credit, so I owe

her.

Fucked this girl, down in Georgia; came in her mouth. Man, I

thought I told ya.

Met this beautiful sexy ho; she just ran cross the border of

Mexico.

Fine young thing, said her name's Maria. I wrapped her up just

like a Hot Tortilla.

I wanna get married, but I can't afford it. I know I'ma cry

when she gets deported.



Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.

We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.

And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them

dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from

here to Hong Kong.



Have you ever went over to a girl's house to fuck, but the

pussy just ain't no good? (SAY WHAT?)

And then you're getting' upset cause you can't get her wet,

plus you in the wrong neighborhood?

So you try to play it off and eat the pussy, but it takes her

so long to come (SAY WHAT?)

Then a dude walks in. That's her big boyfriend, and he asks you

where you from? (Where you from, man?)

So you wipe your mouth, and you try to explain (I don't bang.),

you start talkin' real fast.

But he's already mad, cause you fuckin' his wife, so he starts

beatin' on your ass.

Now your clothes all muddy, your nose all bloody, your dick was

hard but now it's soft. (WHUT?)

You thought you had a girl to rock your world, now you still

gotta go jack off.



Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.

We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.

[fade out]



*********************************************

"Hush"

[Hook (Afroman talking)]
Hush, hush (yeah yeah)
Somebody's callin my name (if you listen closely baby)
Hush, hush (yeah yeah)
Somebody's callin my name
Hush (listen baby) hush (somebody's callin)
Somebody's callin my name
Oh my lord, oh my lord, what shall I do

(A man sometimes girls think I'm crazy cause I wake
her up and I tell her)
Sounds like Jesus (sounds like Jesus)
Somebody's callin my name (I know I'm high but baby)
Sounds like Jesus
And somebody's callin my name
Sounds like Jesus
Somebody's callin my name
Oh my lord, Oh my lord, what shall I do

(You know man, I think about all the hard times that I
went through and I think)
I'm so glad that trouble don't last always
I'm so glad that trouble don't last always
I'm so glad I'm glad that trouble don't last always
Oh my lord, Oh my lord, what shall I do

I gotta feelin, that everything's gonna be all right
I gotta feelin everything's gonna be all right
I gotta feelin that everything's gonna be all right
Be all right
Be all right
Be all right

(A man it's funny cause I learnt this song when I was a little

kid
When I went to visit my granddaddy down there in Mobile,

Alabama
He stayed in this place called Trendy Garden you know what I'm

sayin?
He used to grow his vegetables right there on the side of the

house
And every now and then he'd get me to help him out know what

I'm sayin?
And as he was like weedin out his garden and everything
He'd sing all kinda tunes and hymns know what I'm sayin?
And sometime he'd sing the same one like over and over and over

again
You know what I'm sayin?
He'd get tired of singin the words
Sometimes he'd take a sip of his water outta that glass jar,

set it back down
And while we was plantin them collard greens, he'd hum it
Just like this right here, help me out cuz, you know how we

used to do it)

[*humming*]

It gets all in my hands
It gets all in my feet
It makes me wanna sing my song
To every little girl I meet
It gets all in my heart
It gets all in my sole
It comes straight out my mouth
And then I lose control
Cause I, I got this feelin, that everything's gonna be all

right
Be all right
Be all right
Be all right


****************************************************

"Because I Got High"

It's Like, I don't care about nothin man,
roll another blunt, Yea (ohh ohh ohh),

La da da da da da La, Da Daaa,
La da da da, La da da da, La da da daaa

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
(La da da da da da da da da)
I am taking it next semester and I know why, (why man?) yea

heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
now I'm selling dope and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
they took my whole paycheck and I know why (why man?) yea

heayy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I wasn't gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
(La da da da da da da da da)
Now I am a paraplegic and i know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- because I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna pay my car note until I got high
I was gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why (why man?) yea

heyy,
- because I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
now I'm jacking off and I know why, yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kids and wife because I got high
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why (why man?) yea

heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I'm high [repeat 3X]

La da da da da da, La da da da, Shoop shooby doo wop.


[thanks to Goofyr@aol.com for correcting these lyrics]


***********************************************************



"She Won't Let Me Fucc"

(Hey Sugar, how you doin'? Your pretty face don't match that

nasty attitude.
What do you mean, 'Where's my girl?' Probly with your man. Can

we fuck?)

She won't let me fucc.
I really need to bust a nut.
She won't let me fucc.
I really need to bust a nut.

(Hey, check this out.)
It's so frustrating being a man, all these sexy women don't

understand
Things we need to do, every other day or two
Like take you home baby, and make sweet love to you,
But you, you won't let me fucc.

She won't let me fucc. (You say the mood ain't right.)
I really need to bust a nut. (I know that pussy's tight.)
She won't let me fucc. (Give it to me, baby.)
I really need to bust a nut.

Her heart is still broken, (Poor baby.) her emotions are sore.

(I know what you mean, girl.)
She is trying to recover from the man before. (Hey, that's my

homeboy, cuz.)
Her ex-boyfriend, (Who, Jermaine?) he probly can't see (shake

that ass.)
that it was easy for him (uh, say what?) but he made is hard

for me. (Why, man?)
Cause she, she won't let me fucc.

She won't let me fucc. (Aw, give it to me baby.)
I really need to bust a nut. (You know just what I need.)
She won't let me fucc. (Girl, you eatin' all my food, you

drinkin' all my beer)
I really need to bust a nut. (you smokin' all my weed!)

You rub your ass against me on the disco floor. (shake that

ass.)
I asked you for your number and you said 'Hell no!'
(That's alright. Hey, fuck that bitch look at that one over

there,cuz.)
You always hang around me everyday. Different women wanna kick

it, but you scare them away.
Now I get offended when you come around, cause I'm tired of my

organs
(Your organs?) going up and down. That sucks, cause she won't

let me fucc.

She won't let me fucc. (Aw, give it to me baby, give it to me

honey.)
I really need to bust a nut. (Don't play with my head again.)
She won't let me fucc. (Let me hit it baby, let me hit it

baby.)
I really need to bust a nut. (Are you a lesbian?)

Oh, let me lick it baby. Let me stick it honey. Buccoooc!
I'll give you my money.
Girl, you can have it all. Go ahead and have a ball.
If you want, you can take them both, baby.

In the year 2000 I see thousands of pretty young women I find

arousin'
Grocery store shopping, magazine browsin', many different ways

they keep their hair styles and
Full of boredom, I walk toward 'em, get 'em close to me cause

I'm supposed to be
Male aggressor, female impresser. Say the right things,

possibly undress her.
But that's the post game, this is still the pre-game.
Silly woman She-game. Baby, what's your name?
Even though I'm a freak, I play it off like a college geek,

crack a smile and politely speak
With intellect to the woman I select, hoping that she won't

detect
my egotistical chauvinistical lust I thrust 'til I scream like

Mystical.
The wrong message I hope I'm not sending. Laughing and

pretending my dick's not extending.
Can't be overzealous, she might discover. She's walkin' away,

(Biatch!) blew my cover.

She won't let me fucc. (You know I love you.)
I really need to bust a nut. (Please don't change the subject.)
She won't let me fucc. (We coulda fucked all night long)
I really need to bust a nut. (but, but, but, but your telephone

number is wrong.)

She won't let me fucc. (Girl you got a lot to give.)
I really need to bust a nut. (You dress, you dress, so

provocative.)
She won't let me fucc. (I can see your lingerie, from real far

away.)
I really need to bust a nut. (Bitch, you must think I'm gay.)

Don't make me beg. Baby, let me rub your leg.
Don't make me cry. Look into my eye.
Girl, you damn pretty. Stop actin' so, _? Put some oil on your

titt--.
Hey, man, I'm up outta here. She don't wanna fuck.



*******************************************************


"The American Dream"

Yes! Yes! Thank you for inviting me here for my final speech.
Ladies and gentlemen, homosexuals, lesbians, and transvestites,
allow me to introduce myself as the Hungry Hustler, Afroman.
I am the American Dream. Even though the government tried to

experiment with me
by placing me in the projects, I'm still the American Dream.
Surrounded by drugs,
jeopardized my life by living around thugs,
but I'm still the American Dream.
Kicked outta Palmdale High School
because I was considered a distraction to the educational

process.
I've traveled through the complete metamorphosis of the justice

system,
and I'm still the American Dream.
Entered Juvenile Hall as a tadpole;
hopped outta prison as a bull frog,
but I'm still the American Dream.
The most rejected, disrespected,
when I went for a job I was never selected,
but I am still the American Dream.
And right about now,
I find it quite serendipitous to see that all of you

some-timin',
wishy-washy, two-faced, back-stabbin',
coniving hypocrites have accumulated here in my midst to

persecute my character
with such flagrant slanderousity,
but I counter-attack by calling it constructive criticism,
and all of your negativity has been recycled into motivation,
and I am still the American Dream.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found; was blind, but now I see.
There's a lot of people out there who can identify with me.
Young lady right here, you may be a single teenaged mother,
but you are still the American Dream.
The lady next to you, yes. Your breasts may not be as big as

men think they should be,
but you are still the American Dream.
Young man, you may not be a baller, shot caller,
with 20 inch blades on the impala, but you are still the

American Dream.
Young man right here, you may have spent all your money on a

hood rat bitch
and didn't get no pussy last night, but you are still the

American Dream.
Yes sir, I am just like Ham. I'm for the black man,
the mexican, and even poor white,
all human beings that have no rights. So put down your past,

pick up your future,
follow me as we journey through the Red Sea,
cause I have been to the mountain top,
I've seen the Promised Land,
mine eyes have seen the glory of the Underground Category.
My mind has been delivered.
My spirit has been reinstated from the Corporate World's

modern-day slavery.
I've been emancipated. Free at last! Free at last! Fuck a drug

test,
I'm fittin' to roll some grass. Love, peace, and Afro grease,

Fro-ever! Buccooocc!

A-E-I-O-U, and sometimes W. 'Cuz I'm high, cuz I'm high, cuz

I'm high.



**********************************************************


"Palmdale"

Just like bums, we used to stay in the slums of LA by the way
Gang-bangers killin' each other for rep, sellin' rock cocaine

on my doorstep
Had a ball to bounce plus a bike to ride, but my mamma never

would let me play outside.
But when I got enrolled in elementary school, started bangin'

like a fuckin' fool.
So cool, throwin' up gang signs to the gangster (?), shot an

enemy from across the street
Mamma came home, said she got a good job. Daddy did too. Now

they don't squab.
Financially, we improvin'. 2 months later, son, we movin'.
No more duckin' from shotgun shells. Bought a two-story house

in East Palmdale.
(give it to me now.)

Palmdale, come back to me.
I need you and I love you, baby.
Palmdale, come back to me.
(Check it out, check it out, check it out.)

No more rats and no more roaches, livin' next door ito football

coaches.
Now I got a new place to sell me crack. Now I got little white

kids to jack.
I stopped wearin' blue, wasn't trippin' on red. Too busy

squabbin' with the skinheads.
Stupid questions, distract the class. Rubbin' little white

girls on the ass.
I didn't really care if I passed or failed, I knew I was headed

for the NFL,
Until the playoff game, shoulder got hurt. I thought about my

future, layin' in the dirt.
I can't jump, I can't flinch. Superstar player, ridin' the

bench.
Graduate from school? Don't make me laugh. I got an F+ in basic

math.
(give it to me now.)

Palmdale, (Hell, yeah.) come back to me.
I gotta do one song for my neighborhood. Bucccoooc!
Palmdale, come back to me.
(check it out.)

I knew I couldn't make it in the white man's world, so I bought

me some khakis and a Geri curl.
I knew I couldn't make it to the NFL, so I went to East

Palmdale and started slingin' yell.
Fo' sho'! I was makin' crazy dough. Shoulda dropped outta

school a long time ago.
Bought a cell phone, like a nut. Now I deliver like Pizza Hut.
I drunk whisky and Bacardi. I sold dope to anybody.
Me and my homies sold dubs and dimes, took turns bustin' rhymes

just to pass the time.
A white man drove up to my spot. He said, Hey, homeboy, what

you got?
I put a fat rock inside his hand. About 25 sheriffs jumped out

the van.
(Get down, punk.)

Palmdale, (Hell, yeah) come back to me.
I need you and I love you, baby.
Palmdale, come back to me.
(check it out, check it out, check it out.)

Can't get drunk. Can't get blunted. LA County, 95 hundred.
Crips wanna take my All-stars. Bloods wanna eat my Snicker

bars.
Them peckerwoods don't want none, but the Mexican's straight

own one.
Them Essays, (???) that Essays always try to test me,
So I jumped off the bed, cause I ain't no punk. Jammed his head

up against the bunk.
Socked that Cholo in his chin. Black mutha-fuckas scared to

jump in.
Sheriff broke it up when we hit the floor. I kept talkin' shit

cause I want some more.
Back in town, we get along with the brown. Now I'm in jail,

they tryin' to beat me down.
Jail is hell, but I'll adapt. Won't hesitate to get in a scrap.
'Cause I'm down for mine, and that's for certain, sittin' in

the hole with my knuckles hurtin'.
(Palmdale)

Palmdale, (Hell, yeah.) come back to me.
I need you and I love you, baby.
Palmdale, come back to me.
(check it out, homeboy.)

Now I got a fucked up life. Two bad kids and a naggin' wife.
Dead end job at the airport. Check too short to pay the house

note.
Turn on the TV, then I see different homeboys that went to

school with me
Playin' in the NFL. We used to kick back in East Palmdale.
Rodney Williams. Lorenz Tate. Zeno plays for Colorado State.
I wish my homeboys much success, but at the same time, I still

get depressed.
Walkin' through the wind with a cup full of gin thinkin' 'bout

things that coulda, woulda, shoulda been.
I wipe my tears, sip my beers, wish good luck to my peers.
(Palmdale.)

Palmdale, come back to me.
I need you and I love you, baby.
Palmdale, come back to me.
Cause that's where my heartache began, heartache began.

Palmdale, come back to me.
I need you and I love you, baby.
Palmdale, come back to me.
Cause that's where my heartache began, heartache began.

Palmdale, come back to me.
(Hey, all the homeboys on the football team, where y'all at?)
Palmdale, come back to me.
(Hey, wherever you at in the world, I don't care if you in

Japan, Africa
hey, you know how we used to do it, man. Hey, hey, hey.)
Yo, let me get a Palm (Palm!)
Yo, let me get a Dale (Dale!)
Yo, what do we sell? (Yell!)
Yo, where we fittin' to go? (We fittin' to go back to jail!)
[x4]

Dale. Palmdale. (Hey, everybody just clap your hands.)
Dale. Palmdale. (C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Buci-buci-bucccoooc!)
Dale. Palmdale.
Dale. (Where them Falcons at?) Palmdale. (It ain't over 'til

the fat man sings.)
Dale. (Little Rock can't get none. What, what?) Palmdale.
Dale. Palmdale.
[fade out.]



************************************************


"Tall Cans"

Ahhhhhhhhhhh shit! shit! shit!
Now I'm walkin down the street with some chicken and a forty
I'm yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Run outta doe, slap the hoe,
get the do' and go back to that liquor sto'

[Chorus - repeat 4X]
Afroman likes tall cans

Now I'm a afroholic, call me Afroman
Love to sag my khakis with a tall can
My homies pop the forty of some St. I's
Now that mother uh! staggerin from side to side
We the loudest homeboys in my neighborhood
We look real bad but we feel so good
My thirst is quenched but my cravin won't extinguish
I need some forty ounce mother uh! Old English
Put the top in my mouth put the bottom to the ceilin
Drink it down down until I get that crazy feelin
Now just walkin down the street with some chicken and a forty
I'm yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Run outta doe, slap the hoe,
get the do' and go back to that liquor sto'

[Chorus]

See these girls be actin all bad and rude
Always gotta bad attitude
See I just wanna dance, why can't you get the picture
Act like a brother wanna move in with cha
I gots no fame, I gots no wealth
So I whined up dancin by my God damn self
But I pay my money, just like you
And baby I'ma do what I came to do
You see I can't wait around till I get rich
Just to make yo gold diggin attitude switch
So I'm walkin down the street with some chicken and a forty
I'm yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Run outta doe, slap the hoe,
get the do' and go back to that liquor sto'

[Chorus]

I stepped into this party full of Mexicans
I didn't realize I was the only black man
One hand on my bottle, the other on my peter
I barked like a dog and started freakin senoritas
I think she was embarrassed with the eight ball in my cup
She kept on steppin back so I kept on steppin up
This vaco strolled up, put his gun to my head
I knew if I moved I was officially dead
That had to be his woman, I know it doggonit
That ain't the first time that I got confronted
{say something in Spanish} get the fuck outta here
I said I'm gone mother fucker, now gimme my beer
Cause I'm just walkin down the street with some chicken and a

forty
I'm yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Run outta doe, slap the hoe,
get the do' and go back to that liquor sto'

[Chrous]

HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO
HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO
Walkin down the street with some chicken and a forty
Yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Outta doe, slap the hoe,
get the do' and go back to that liquor sto'

[Chorus]

Well I'm a afroholic, call me Afroman
Love to sag my khakis with a tall can
My homie pop the forty of some St. I's
Now that knucklehead staggerin from side to side
We the loudest homeboys in my neighborhood
We look real bad but we feel so good
My thirst is quenched but my cravin won't extinguish
I need some forty ounce mother fucking Old English
Put the top in my mouth put the bottom to the ceilin
Drink it diggy diggy down till I get that crazy feelin
I'm just walkin down the street with some chicken and a forty
I'm yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Outta doe, here we go back to that liquor sto'

[Chorus]

Now these women be actin all bad and rude
Always gotta bad attitude
You see I just wanna dance, why can't you get the picture
Act like a brother wanna move in with cha
I gots no fame, I gots no wealth
So I whined up dancin by my God damn self
But I pay my money, just like you
And baby I'ma do what I came to do
You see I can't wait around till I get rich
Just to make yo gold diggin attitude switch
So I'm walkin down the street with some chicken and a forty
I'm yellin at these hoochies and I'm lookin for a party
Drink it fast, make it last, till you know it ain't no mo'
Outta doe, here we go back to that liquor sto'

[Chorus - speeds up at end]




******************************************************




"Tumbleweed"

Wait a minute man
Ay check this out man
It was this blind man, right?
Man check this
It was this blind man, right?
He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right?
Ay, he walked past this fish market
You know what I'm sayin'?
He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said
Woo, good morning ladies
You like that shit man?
Ay, I got a gang of that shit, man
I tell you what
My man on the guitar
Ay, fool on the drums
Everybody just crowd 'round the mic
I tell you all these motherfuckin' jokes I got man
So first I'm gonna start it off like this
Help me sing it home boy, come on
Said colt 45 and two zig-zags
Baby that's all we need
We can go to the park after dark smoke that tumbleweed
As the marijuana burn
We can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
It still takes from here to Hong Kong

So roll, roll, roll my joint
Pick out the seeds and stems
Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palm Dell
Skatin on datin rims
So roll, roll the 83
Cadallac Coupe Caville
If my tapes and my cd's just don't sell
I bet my Cavy will
Well it was just sundown in a small white town
They call it eastside Palm Dell
When the Afro Man walked through the white land
Houses went up for sale
Well I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap CD's
when I met a little girl named Jan
I let her ride in my Caddy
cuz I didn't know her daddy was the leader of the Ku Klux Klan
We fucked on the bed
Fucked on the flo'
Fucked so long I grew a fuckin' afro
Then I fucked to the left
Fucked to the right
She sucked my dick 'til the shit turned white
I thought to myself
Sheeba sheeba got my ass lookin' like a zebra
I put on my clothes and I was on my way
Until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet
So I ran, I jumped out the back window
But her daddy, he was waitin with a two-by-fo'
Oh, he beat me to the left
He beat me to the right
The motherfucker whooped my ass all night
But I ain't mad at her prejudice dad
That's the best damn pussy I ever had
Got a bad of weed and a bottle o' wine
I'm a fuck that bitch just one more time
Colt 45 and two zig-zags
Baby that's all we need
We can go to the park after dark smoke that tumbleweed
And as the marijuana burn
We can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
It still takes from here to Hong Kong

So roll, roll, roll my joint
Pick out the seeds and stems
Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palm Dell
Skatin on datin rims
So roll, roll the 83
Cadallac Coupe Caville
If my tapes and my cd's just don't sell
I bet my Cavy will
I met this lady in Hollywood
She had green hair but damn she looked good
I took her to my house
Cuz she was fine
But she whooped out a dick that was bigger than mine
I met this lady from Japan
Never made love with an African
I fucked her once
I fucked her twice
I ate that pussy like shrimp fried rice
Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya
I met a woman in the heart of Australia
Had a big butt and big titties, too
So I hopped in her ass like a kangaroo
See I met this woman from Hawaii
Stuck it in her ass and she said I E
Lips was breakfast
Pussy was lunch
Then her titties busted open with Hawaiin punch
Met Colonel Sanders wife in the state of Kentucky
She said I'll fry some chicken if you just bump me
I came in her mouth
It was a crisis
I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices
Colt 45 and two zig-zags
Baby that's all we need
We can go to the park after dark smoke that tumbleweed
And as the marijuana burn
We can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
It still takes from here to Hong Kong

I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee
Her titties were filled with hennessy
That country music really drove me crazy
But I rode that ass and said "Yes, Miss Daisy"
Met this lady in Oklahoma
Put that pussy in a coma
Met this lady in Michigan I can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch

again
Met a real black girl down in South Carolina
Fucked her 'til she turned into a white albina
Fucked this hooker in Iowa
I fucked her on credit, so I owe her
Fucked this girl down in Georgia
Came in her mouth now I thought I told ya
Met this beautiful sexy ho
She just ran 'cross the border of Mexico
Fine young thang said her name's Maria
I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
I wanna get married but I can't afford it
I know I'm a cry when she get deported
Colt 45 and two zig-zags
Baby that's all we need
We can go to the park after dark smoke that tumbleweed
As the marijuana burn
We can take our turn
Singin' them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
It still takes from here to Hong Kong

Have you ever went ova' a girl's house to fuck
But the pussy just ain't no good? (say what)
I mean you gettin' upset cuz you can't get her wet
Plus you in the wrong neighborhood
So you try to play it off and eat the pussy
But it take her so long to cum
Then a dude walk in
That's her big boyfriend
And he asks you where you from (where you from homey?)
So you wipe your mouth and you try to explain (I don't bang)
You start talkin' real fast (I don't bang)
But he already mad cuz you fuckin' his woman
So he start beatin' on yo' ass
Now ya clothes all muddy
Ya nose all bloody
Your dick was hard but now it's all (what)
You thought you had a girl to rock your world
Now you still gotta go jack off
Said colt 45 and two zig-zags
Baby that's all we need
We can go to the park...



*****************************************************



"Let's All Get Drunk Tonight"

Let's all get drunk tonight. (Hell yeah.) I hope I don't fight

with a punk tonight. (C'mon.)
Let's all get high tonight. Maybe nobody will die tonight.

(C'mon, dance with me baby, c'mon.)
Let's all sell yell tonight. (Sling yay.) I hope I don't go

back to jail tonight. (Not tonight.)
Let's go to the club tonight. Find a woman that wanna make love

tonight.
Let's get dumb, drink some rum. Make my teeth and gums feel

real numb.
We'll be thinking 'bout surviving while we're drinking and

we're driving.
Hope I don't wreck when my vision gets blurry. Sober up looking

at an all white jury.
Judge don't like no drunk like me. Punk might give me strike

number three.
Cause when I'm drunk and when I'm high, I don't give a damn

'bout a DUI.
Let's just get lit, dance like a nitwit, try to talk to the

women that we can't get with.
Me and my staff make everybody laugh. If the beer runs out, we

can all go half.
It's Friday night. Got the perfect weather. Lets get drunk

together.

Let's all get drunk tonight. (Hell yeah.) I hope I don't fight

with a punk tonight. (C'mon.)
Let's all get high tonight. Maybe nobody will die tonight.

(C'mon, dance with me baby, c'mon.)
Let's all sell yell tonight. (Sling yay.) I hope I don't go

back to jail tonight. (Not tonight.)
Let's go to the club tonight. Find a woman that wanna make love

tonight.

Bacardi. Colt .45. Let's party. We're still alive.
Tomorrow brings pain and sorrow, but tonight, we're all right.
Drink that beer 'til your belly can't hold it. Tell the

homeboys, we fittin' to get loaded.
Rollin' through the Ante-dope Valley out there. Hope the cops

don't smell
That beer on my breath, cause if the sheriff catch a whiff of

that fifth, it'll probly knock him stiff.
Don't look dumb if my breath on hum. Stick your hand in you're

pocket, please, pass some gum,
So the cops can't tell my breath smell. We won't go to jail,

we'll go to Palmdale
With the beautiful women and the beautiful weather, we can both

get drunk together.

Let's all get drunk tonight. (Hell yeah.) I hope I don't fight

with a punk tonight. (C'mon.)
Let's all get high tonight. Maybe nobody will die tonight.

(C'mon, dance with me baby, c'mon.)
Let's all sell yell tonight. (Sling yay.) I hope I don't go

back to jail tonight. (Not tonight.)
Let's go to the club tonight. Find a woman that wanna make love

tonight.

Baby, I beg your pardon, but your outfit's giving me a hard-on.
Maybe some way, maybe some how, you could dance with me, right

here, right now.
Been lookin' at you all night long. That DJ's playing my

favorite song.
Everything is splendid, don't mean no harm. Don't get offended

when I pull your arm.
I ain't felt this good since I don't know when, and I might not

feel this good again.
It's Friday night, beautiful weather, let's get drunk together.

(C'mon, y'all.)

Let's all get drunk tonight. (Hell yeah.) I hope I don't fight

with a punk tonight. (C'mon.)
Let's all get high tonight. Maybe nobody will die tonight.

(C'mon, dance with me baby, c'mon.)
Let's all sell yell tonight. (Sling yay.) I hope I don't go

back to jail tonight. (Not tonight.)
Let's go to the club tonight. Find a woman that wanna make love

tonight.

Let's all get drunk tonight. I hope I don't fight with a punk

tonight.
Let's all get high tonight. Maybe nobody will die tonight.
Let's all sell yell tonight. I hope I don't go back to jail

tonight.
Let's go to the club tonight. Find a girl that wanna make love

tonight.



*******************************************************


"Missisippi"

(Palmdale was like the peak of my life, but Palmdale over with,

homeboy. I'm fittin' to go home cuz.)
Please take me back home, (You know what I'm sayin'?) to

Mississippi.
(I got my Greyhound ticket right here, man. I'm fittin' to go

back and kick it with my family, cuz.)
Please take me back home, (take a couple pounds of this weed)

to Mississippi.
(You shmell me, homeboy. Yeah, take them fools back to '82,

cuz.)
Before South Central Palmdale flossin', I stayed in a place

called Palmer's Crossing.
Hattiesburg, Mississippi, smoking marijuana like a Woodstock

hippy.
All my homies in Laurel, beg borrow, buy my rap tape tomorrow.

(Bucccoc!)
Tell DJ Pumpkin Keep it crunckin' Clyde. Request my tape when

you go inside
So I can take Jane and girl to Waynesboro, fuck their little

homegirl,
make her toes curl, rock their world, leave with their Auntie

Sheryl.
She sucks me sucks me, fucks me fucks me, cries every time I

leave Biloxi
But I hops in the Coup, 'cause I gots to go scoop another ho

from Tupelo
Hit it once, hit it twice, then I hit it again.
Hit it in Meridian, make that bitch rub her clit again,
pinch the nipples on her tit again, suck my dick until she spit

again. BUCCCOC!
Please take me back home, (Hell yeah!) to Mississippi.
Crooked letter, crooked letter, hump-back, hump-back, Afroman's

the bomb, bump that!
Please take me back home, (Hell yeah!) to Mississippi.
From the delta to the coast, I'm doin' the most, grab your

40oz. Let's toast.

I sold rock cocaine down in Ellisville. Baseheads hit the pipe,

they can tell it's real.
Kept my dope stashed with this hootchie, way down yonder in

East Bouche.
Cops be sweatin' outa town, dog. Sweatin' my car with a hound

dog.
Separate me from my bitch and shit, tryin' to get my bitch to

fuckin' snitch and shit.
Officer Roscoe P. Coltrane running warrant checks on the

Afroman
But I can't be no hip hop star cuffed in the back of some

police car.
Did you find the gun? NO!
Did you find the dope? NO!
Open up the back door. Well, son, you're free to go.
A-F-R-O marijuana cargo, __
C'mon, Let's all get drunk tonight. I hope I don't fight with a

punk tonight.
Get nervous, as I swerve this Cadillac through Purvis.
Hope I don't crash when I hit Petal, get my ass kicked in the

white ghetto.
Prejudice police won't let me go, so I'ma drive slow, hide my

'fro.
I was dumb, now I'm dumber, y'all, last summer, y'all,
I fucked all the little girls down in Sumrall.
Grabbed my guitar and started pickin' a tune for Nikki and June

down in Picayune, baby!
Just like a shovel I be diggin' all the pretty young women in

Wiggins.
On the boat, Gulfport, I got my dick down some girl's throat.

(BUCCCCOC!)
I can't help it, I'm a Crip, baby. I think you need to wipe

your lip, baby.
Hula Hula Hula, the whole house ruler. What's up with all the

bitches down in Pascagoula?
Small towns, small cities, but they still got big ol' asses

plus titties.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? It's the hungry hustler, Afroman
Flying through the air in my underwear, Geri curl activator in

my hair.
I'm in control like Janet, when I hit Jackson. Always getting

plenty panty action.
McClaine. Even McComb. Tell the whole world Mississippi's your

home.
Yazoo, Columbia and Natchez. I got the weed brother, who got

the matches? (I do.)
Who got the funky DJ that scratches? (I do.) Depend on me like

my name was patches.
First it was a black thing, just the big Willies. Now I roll

Phillies with all the Hillbillies.
Never ever thought I'd see the Klu Klux Klan buying front row

seats for the Afroman
Confederate flags tobacco in their mouth. It's a beautiful

thing jumpin' off in the South.
Afroman, I'm a part of it. Hattiesburg hip hop, I'm the start

of it.
I'm the latest. I'm the greatest, and all you haters, I'll mash

you like potatoes.
I'll make your girlfriend holler and scream, then cook me some

cornbread and collard greens.
BUCCCOC!

Please take me back home, (Hell, yeah!) to Mississippi.
Crooked letter, crooked letter, hump-back, hump-back, Afroman's

the bomb, bump that!
Please take me back home, (Hell yeah!) to Mississippi.
From the delta to the coast, I'm doin' the most, grab your

40oz. Let's toast.

!982, '83, '84 Erin, Broste, Carlos, and Tonto.
Tryin' to break dance in my B-Boy stance, Micheal Jackson

glove, parachute pants.
Calvin Gary, Garnett Jones. G-dog, cuz, I don't believe we're

grown.
But hey, G-dog, you and me'll see dog. Whatever happens, cuz,

it's you and me dog.
Or should I say loc, (loc) cause you my folk (folk) so let's

take a toke (toke) till we croak (croak).
I'm a locster locster, honey spokester, drinking everyday like

I'm supposed to.
Bottle after bottle, dog, in my lip-a, flowing on the mic like

the Mississippi river.

Please take me back home, (Hell, yeah!) to Mississippi.
Crooked letter, crooked letter, hump-back, hump-back, Afroman's

the bomb, bump that!
Please take me back home, (Get on down!) to Mississippi.
From the coast to the delta, Afro, we felt ya. Boy you're so

cold the sun can't melt ya.

Please take me back home, (Yeee-ha!) to Mississippi.
Crooked letter, crooked letter, hump-back, hump-back, Afroman's

the bomb, bump that!
Please take me back home, (Get on down!) to Mississippi.
From the coast to the delta, Afro, we felt ya. Boy you're so

cold the sun can't melt ya.
Please take me back home, (We outta here.) to Mississippi.


**************************************



"Colt 45"

[Afroman]
Wait a minute man
Hey check this out man tell it
It was this blind man right, it was this blind man right
He was feelin' his way down the street with a stick right, hey
He walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'
He stopped he took a deep breath he said
Snfffffff, woooo good morning ladies, ha
You like that shit man
Hey man Ive got a gang of that shit man
Hey I'll tell you what
We'll all have a good time
We'll pull on the drug
And hey, hey if everybody try on the mike I'll tell you all

these motherfuckin' jokes I got
First I'm gonna start off like that, hey help me sing it

homeboy

[CHORUS]
said colt 45 and two zigzags baby thats all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
and sell tapes from here to hong kong
so roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
being high as hell flyin' through palmdale
skatin' on jaggy rims
so roll, roll, the '83 cadilaac coupe deville
if my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my cabby will

well it was just sundown in small white town
they call it east side palmdale
when the afroman walked through the white land
houses went up for sale
well I was standing on the corner sellin' rap cds
when I met a little girl named Jan
I let her ride in my caddy
because I didnt know her daddy was the leader of the ku klux

klan
we fucked on the bed
fucked on the floor
fucked so long I grew a fuckin' afro
then I fucked to the left (left)
fucked to the right (right)
she sucked my dick 'til the shit turned white
thought to myself sheeba-sheeba
got my ass lookin' like a zebra
I put on my clothes and I was on my way
until her daddy pulled up in a chevrolet
and so I ran I jumped out the back window
but her daddy he was waitin' with a two-by-four
he beat me to the left
be beat me to the right
the motherfucker beat my ass all night
but I ain't mad at her prejudice dad
thats the best damn pussy I ever had
got a bag of weed and a bottle of water
I'm gonna fuck that bitch just one more time

[CHORUS]

I met this lady in hollywood
she had green hair but damn she looked good
I took her to my house because she was fine
but she whipped out a dick that was bigger than mine

I met this lady from Japan
never made love with an african
I fucked her once, fucked her twice
I ate that pussy like shrimp-fried rice

Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya (tell ya)
I met a woman in the heart of Australia
Had a big butt and big titties too
So I hopped in her ass like Kangaroo

See I met this woman from Hawaii
stuck it in her ass and she said "aiee"
lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch
then her titties busted open with hawaiian punch

I met colonel sanders wife in the state of kentucky
said I'd brought some chicken if you'd just fuck me
I came in her mouth, it was a crisis
I gave her my secert blend of herbs and spices

said colt 45 and two zigzags baby thats all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong (hey wait a minute)
and sell tapes from here to hong kong

I met dolly parton in Tennessee
Her titties were filled with hennesee
that country music really drove me crazy
but I rode that ass and said yes miss daisy
met this lady in oklahoma
put that pussy in a coma
met this lady in michigan
I can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch again
met a real black girl down in south carolina
fucked her until she turned into a white albina
fucked this hooker in Iowa
I fucked her on credit, so I owe her
fucked this girl down in Georgia
came in her mouth, man I thought I told ya
met this beautiful sexy hoe
she just ran across the border of mexico
fine young thing said her names maria
I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
I wanna get married but I cant afford it
I know I'm gonna cry when she get deported

said colt 45 and two zigzags baby thats all we need
we can go to the park, after dark,
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn we can take our turn
singin' them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
(hey wait a minute man, hey fuck that shit)
and sell tapes from here to hong kong

have you ever went over a girls house to fuck
but the pussy just ain't no good
I mean you gettin' upset because you cant get her wet
plus you in the wrong neighborhood
so you try to play it off and eat the pussy
but it take her so long to come
then a dude walk in thats her big boyfriend
and he asks you where you from
so you wipe your mouth and you try to explain
you start talkin' real fast
but he already mad cause you fuckin' his wife
so he start beatin' on you ass
now your clothes all muddy
your nose all bloody
your dick was hard but now its soft
you thought you had a girl to rock your world
now you still gotta go jack off

[chorus - until fade out]


[Thanks to josh212@homail.com for these lyrics]